i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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