She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
