If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
