Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
