I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
