Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
