i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
