If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
where am i from again
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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