i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
