tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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