Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
