Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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