It's Friday. Sex?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
