Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
