We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
