There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
