Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
