she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
