that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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