As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize