i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
