that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
