he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
