$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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