The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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