so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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