We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
