Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
