y did u give ur computer a hand job?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
