I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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