I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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