I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
