bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
