I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
