Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do vagina's smell?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
