Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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