I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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