Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am available for nakedness
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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