I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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