i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
