I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
