this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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