All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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