I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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