You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
