i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
