never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
