That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
