My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
