...so i touched it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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