I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
