Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
