There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
