4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
