been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need a beard to bite.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
