we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
