I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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