i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
