i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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