haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
