haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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