How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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