I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
