he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
