Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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