I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
