omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
