Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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