why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
