you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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