I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
