i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize