hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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