I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
