hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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