the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
